I started my first blog in March of 2018 with the hopes of helping others. I honestly do not know how many people my blog reaches or even if it has helped anyone. Part of this reason for this is because I have chosen to keep the blog to myself and only share it with small groups of people I run into. I point them to my story because of the darkness I went through. However, there is one problem with the blog… me.
My last post was December 19, and before that, it was April 25th, 2019. I have been inconsistent with posting. The excuse I have for this is the imbalances I have in my life and the different life events that have transpired. I say excuse, but I use it extremely lightly as I am justifying and rationalizing my behaviors to avoid doing basic discipline in my life. If you remember my previous post, The Little Disciplines, once you forsake the little things, it starts to add up. Think of a crack and water getting inside of the crack. It is no big deal at the time, but over time, the crack becomes larger as water erodes surface material around it. It is worse if the water freezes as the frozen water will expand inside the crack. That is how it is with the little disciplines. Stop doing them, and those cracks in your life will become larger.
So, what has me writing again? Ultimately, the need to return to the basics and a desire for change; to be better than who I was yesterday. However, here is a list of reasons I feel my higher power is using:
- A conversation with one of my jiu jitsu brothers and fellow believer. He has started his own blog to help others. Our conversation reminded me of my goals and blogging.
- I need to practice what I have been reading in Extreme Ownership and Can’t Hurt Me. I need to take ownership of my shortcomings and I need to actually create the mental toughness to get out of my comfort zones. Discomfort brings change and I get too comfortable to move at times.
- I know I am forsaking the basics:
- I am off my diet, eating what I want when I want and I feel bloated and gross.
- I am being forgetful, or rather not paying attention to my home life. Projects are stagnate and/or I forget the simple things my wife tells me. I for some reason do not hear when she is speaking to me (zoning out).
- Piggybacking off of number one, I am not working out like I should. I have not run or biked three miles in some time.
- I am distracted by games (again) and not focusing on the training I need or getting ready for my second bachelors degree.
- I am not blogging on a regular basis.
How do I plan on solving this? Getting back to the basic disciplines. The funny thing… it is happening right at the right time, New Years. The only New Year’s resolution I truly have is to have two white stripes on my new blue belt in jiu jitsu. However, closing out this year, I know I need to be better next year by:
- Continually reaching out to my network. I need my accountability from the elders and other men in my church. I need accountability with my sober network.
- Do the work. I need to finish my Step Four and I need to get some other journaling done from Can’t Hurt Me.
- Get uncomfortable. Just as my instructor told me in jiu jitsu, “Do something. Make a move and stick with it. You will never learn if you don’t try something new. You won’t learn whether a position is good or bad until you put yourself into it.”
- Avoid my cross addictions. Just as they say in the 12 step programs, “One is too many, a thousand is never enough,” I need to see that for gaming. One game… one minute on a game, can turn into hours and days.
- At a minimum, write at least one blog a month. As an elder told me last Sunday, “You and your wife are a beacon of hope inside of the church. There were times when it looked like there was no hope for your marriage and any type of reconciliation. Look what God has done and the work you two have done.” I may not see who I am helping, but I am encourage to know, my past can be a living example of God’s graces and mercies on my wife and I’s life.
If you are struggling, be encouraged. If you are chasing dreams, stay focused or refocus. If you are not meeting your own expectations, return to discipline.
“If everything is going too smooth, it is because you are in your comfort zone. The struggle is part of a champions life.” ~ Romulo Barral
#canthurtme #extremeownership #selfreflection
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