“Anger brought me to jiu jitsu, but love made me stay”
Abmar Barbosa
I have decided to do a piggyback post from ‘Principles Before Personalities.’ If we recall, the importance of Tradition 12 is to remove who we are in order to get along better with each other. In essence, Tradition 12 is the foundation, or sets up the ability, to create camaraderie. This is accomplished by removing who we are on a daily basis as we go into the rooms. It does no matter who we are, where we have come from, or what we have done because we are all seeking the same thing – recovery.
Merriam-Webster defines camaraderie as “a spirit of friendly good fellowship.” Google defines it as “mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together.” Most of the time, the term camaraderie is used in defining how soldiers and marines feel in their units. A bond is created with your platoon or squad as you spend 2-3 years (sometimes more) training or going to combat together.
When I was a marine for eight years, I did my best to learn who my marines were. Were they married, single, divorced? Did they have children? If so, how many? What personal issues were they having? Were mom and dad still alive? How was their health? What plans did they have for school/education? What plans did they have for when they EAS’ed (end of active service [discharged])? All of these different things allowed me to know who my marines were. How did this all happen? Understanding leadership.
True leadership, as explained by many military personnel or historians, is boiled down to a dichotomy between the person and the chain of command – balance between relationship and leadership. As Jocko and many others say, the relationship is stronger than the chain of command. However, if the relationship becomes unbalanced and too friendly, the leadership piece will fall apart. Likewise, if the leadership is too concerned about the mission, team morale fails and productivity lessens.
Why is all of this important to understand? According to Tribes by Sebastian Junger, “We have a strong instinct to belong to small groups defined by clear purpose and understanding-tribes. This tribal connection has been lost in modern society, but regaining it may be the key to our psychological survival.” I feel this is true and a huge struggle for veterans, like myself, who have lost their identity and the camaraderie lost upon separation from service. This loss of camaraderie, spirit of friendly good fellowship, or mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together, is hard to find in the civilian world.
I had to find it. After losing myself in my own addictive behaviors and nearly having my family ripped apart for losing my own identity and self-worth, I needed to find something. It started with God working behind the scenes. Once I learned I was an addict through work, it took me two years, but I started the 12-step program. The 12-step program allowed me to rebuild my relationship with God, but also with others. I began to feel camaraderie in the rooms as we shared our stories. It grew from there as working the steps allowed me to work on my family and church. Now I have a network of people I can talk with both in the 12-step rooms and my church.
Now, as I continue to grow, I have a new “family.” My training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has allowed me to have another group of people I can share my struggles with and grow close with.
If you are feeling lost and without purpose, find a group you can join. If you are an addict, join a 12-step group and serve. If you feel lost and without purpose, find a church and serve. If you need to learn some additional life lessons or want to build on your program or walk with God, join a gym and train Jiu Jitsu. In Jiu Jitsu, you are always learning.
“It’s as real as it can get. That has made me a better person. It’s made me a better man. It’s made me understand myself, my weaknesses, my strengths, the shit I need to work on. Jiu-jitsu has been one of the most valuable tools I’ve ever had in my life.”
Joe Rogan
The Messenger's Alley 