Tether Yourself (Part 1)

The last six months of my life have been an evolution of survival. What do I mean by this? The loss of discipline. Hence, the post Balance… A Return to Discipline. I can trace it back to two main things:

1. My sponsor recommending I drop the 12 step programs, and
2. The birth of my son.

Coming into year two of sobriety, I was trying to balance home responsibilities with sobriety and church. I am a heavy believer the 12 step programs area watered down version of Christianity. And, while it may lead people to Christ, I cannot step outside of my Christian faith for spirituality lead by man’s beliefs. I do admit, the 12 step program has greatly supplemented my spiritual life and reintroduced me to Christ, I cannot live my life according to straight 12 step programs. I need to get truth not only from man, but from God himself through his living and breathing word.

So let us address number one. A sponsor recommending a person to drop a 12 step program is greatly controversial. This is why I have not mentioned in my last few posts. Why would my sponsor recommend this to me? It boils down to a Biblical view, you cannot serve two masters. I was serving the 12 step program AND my church. My sponsor was noticing we were talking less frequent on the phone, and when we did talk, I was mentioning my church network; the men I was meeting with on a regular basis for morning breakfasts and the men I spoke to openly about my life. Additionally, since my wife was pregnant and I was working my 12 hour shifts at work, it was increasingly difficult to get to my home group being the treasurer and co-chair. The difficulties were increasing so much, my service was not really becoming service to the group. I was missing meetings to deal with work and the mandatory overtime I was facing (working juvenile corrections means I am essential personnel, I have no say in my schedule). Since my church network had become so strong and I was not afraid of judgment from them when I shared my life with them, my sponsor recommended dropping from my home group with this caveat: “If you ever feel you cannot be honest with the men in your church, you need to make sure you come back into the rooms.” He noticed I was serving two masters, the church and the 12 step programs. After realizing I was not really serving my home group anymore, I spoke with my home group, relinquished my service position and left the group in good standing. In doing so, I have done my best to stay connected with those in my church.

While God has blessed my family with our son, and I see him as a sign my wife and I have come a long way in reconciliation over my past addiction and sins, he of course has created a whirlwind of change for both of us. As all newborns, they become the center of all attention. Your eating patterns, your sleep patterns, your schedule, is all based on the newborn. Where you can and cannot go, what you can or cannot bring, how many of X item is needed, etc. etc. A newborn changes everything. This includes the amount of time you spend with your wife and family. With a newborn, intimacy drops between you and your spouse dramatically if you are not paying attention to it. It is definitely not intentional, but it is going to happen. Sleep deprived, groggy, people get up and focus on the needs of the baby and other children before their own needs are met. You forget about The Little Disciplines and life gets crazy. Balance with change needs to begin to happen.

This is the reason why we need to tether ourselves to each other. In the SEAL teams, dive buddies are tethered to each other. They go through training and missions together helping each other out and accomplishing the mission they have. As previously written about in Camaraderie – A Sense of Belonging, we need to connect with others to build ourselves up. Stay tuned for Tether Yourself (Part 2) to see a deeper meaning of having a “dive buddy” and the importance of tethering yourself to other people.

“Dive teams work in tandem not for safety but for effect. For instance, during underwater navigation, SEALs use a TAC board, a small blackboard featuring a compass and a timer. If you’re on the TAC board and leading the dive, you can’t see–you’re working the equipment–so you’re essentially flying blind and depending on the other guy, like a copilot, to observer you; he monitors your O2 toxicity, watches out for dangerous sea life, and makes sure as fatigue sets in you don’t lose sight of important details, such as diving too deep, which can kill both. Additionally, each member of this small team must be able to back up, support, and hold each role; he must be able to pivot between responsibilities. That’s why SEALs dominate the battlefield–we support, guide, and fill in for one another seamlessly when needed.” ~ Page 27, Raising Men: From Fathers to Sons – Life Lessons from Navy SEAL Training 

The New Year’s Resolution

It is day two of the New Year. I do not think I have to hash out all the research that shows most resolutions will fail. This is one of the reasons why I do not really set resolutions for myself. The so called resolutions I have made for myself are resolutions I started to make before the new year arrived. The reason for this is because for me, my mind does not operate on temporary goals. Let me explain:

If my goal is to be weight loss, then I set the goal I am trying to obtain. If I just choose to lose X amount of pounds, once I reach that goal, what more do I have to do? I know for me, if I lose X amount of weight, I am going to stop working out, goal met. Now I can return to eating garbage again. If my goal of weight loss is to live a healthy lifestyle, then my goal should be a lifestyle choice to be healthy. This is never ending. This means I cannot stop it.

With this in mind, I have chosen two “resolutions.” As I stated, my resolutions are lifestyle goals. Here they are:

1. Do my best to obtain two stripes on my blue belt. If you ask anyone, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a lifestyle. The disciplines you learn are life long. The friends you train with can become life long. It is a discipline to get to practice on time, learn, and roll. I cannot tell you how difficult it has been for me after my son’s birth to keep training on a regular basis. I have made it in to train with two to three hours of sleep at times. As Jocko has said in his podcasts, “Train tired.” In other words, train no matter how you feel, because one day, something may happen in life when you are sick, tired, etc. and your previous training will kick in.
2. Be 10% better (From Can’t Hurt Me). My goal is to be 10% better next week, and every week after. When I start to work out, strive to be 10% better than the week before. Add 10% more weight, or 10% more reps, or last 10% longer than before. Figure out some way to be 10% better.
3. One and two are linked into my previous post, Balance… A Return to Discipline.

Happy New Year to all. I hope the best for everyone out there. As the image above says, “Make Good” on your lifestyle resolutions.

“It’s not about being the best, it’s about being better than yesterday.” ~ Unknown

#canthurtme #extremeownership #uncommonamongstuncommon

Balance… A Return to Discipline

I started my first blog in March of 2018 with the hopes of helping others. I honestly do not know how many people my blog reaches or even if it has helped anyone. Part of this reason for this is because I have chosen to keep the blog to myself and only share it with small groups of people I run into. I point them to my story because of the darkness I went through. However, there is one problem with the blog… me.

My last post was December 19, and before that, it was April 25th, 2019. I have been inconsistent with posting. The excuse I have for this is the imbalances I have in my life and the different life events that have transpired. I say excuse, but I use it extremely lightly as I am justifying and rationalizing my behaviors to avoid doing basic discipline in my life. If you remember my previous post, The Little Disciplines, once you forsake the little things, it starts to add up. Think of a crack and water getting inside of the crack. It is no big deal at the time, but over time, the crack becomes larger as water erodes surface material around it. It is worse if the water freezes as the frozen water will expand inside the crack. That is how it is with the little disciplines. Stop doing them, and those cracks in your life will become larger.

So, what has me writing again? Ultimately, the need to return to the basics and a desire for change; to be better than who I was yesterday. However, here is a list of reasons I feel my higher power is using:

1. A conversation with one of my jiu jitsu brothers and fellow believer. He has started his own blog to help others. Our conversation reminded me of my goals and blogging.
2. I need to practice what I have been reading in Extreme Ownership and Can’t Hurt Me. I need to take ownership of my shortcomings and I need to actually create the mental toughness to get out of my comfort zones. Discomfort brings change and I get too comfortable to move at times.
3. I know I am forsaking the basics:
   1. I am off my diet, eating what I want when I want and I feel bloated and gross.
   2. I am being forgetful, or rather not paying attention to my home life. Projects are stagnate and/or I forget the simple things my wife tells me. I for some reason do not hear when she is speaking to me (zoning out).
   3. Piggybacking off of number one, I am not working out like I should. I have not run or biked three miles in some time.
4. I am distracted by games (again) and not focusing on the training I need or getting ready for my second bachelors degree.
5. I am not blogging on a regular basis.

How do I plan on solving this? Getting back to the basic disciplines. The funny thing… it is happening right at the right time, New Years. The only New Year’s resolution I truly have is to have two white stripes on my new blue belt in jiu jitsu. However, closing out this year, I know I need to be better next year by:

1. Continually reaching out to my network. I need my accountability from the elders and other men in my church. I need accountability with my sober network.
2. Do the work. I need to finish my Step Four and I need to get some other journaling done from Can’t Hurt Me.
3. Get uncomfortable. Just as my instructor told me in jiu jitsu, “Do something. Make a move and stick with it. You will never learn if you don’t try something new. You won’t learn whether a position is good or bad until you put yourself into it.”
4. Avoid my cross addictions. Just as they say in the 12 step programs, “One is too many, a thousand is never enough,” I need to see that for gaming. One game… one minute on a game, can turn into hours and days.
5. At a minimum, write at least one blog a month. As an elder told me last Sunday, “You and your wife are a beacon of hope inside of the church. There were times when it looked like there was no hope for your marriage and any type of reconciliation. Look what God has done and the work you two have done.” I may not see who I am helping, but I am encourage to know, my past can be a living example of God’s graces and mercies on my wife and I’s life.

If you are struggling, be encouraged. If you are chasing dreams, stay focused or refocus. If you are not meeting your own expectations, return to discipline.

“If everything is going too smooth, it is because you are in your comfort zone. The struggle is part of a champions life.” ~ Romulo Barral

#canthurtme #extremeownership #selfreflection

Camaraderie – A Sense of Belonging

“Anger brought me to jiu jitsu, but love made me stay”
Abmar Barbosa

I have decided to do a piggyback post from ‘Principles Before Personalities.’ If we recall, the importance of Tradition 12 is to remove who we are in order to get along better with each other. In essence, Tradition 12 is the foundation, or sets up the ability, to create camaraderie. This is accomplished by removing who we are on a daily basis as we go into the rooms. It does no matter who we are, where we have come from, or what we have done because we are all seeking the same thing – recovery.

Merriam-Webster defines camaraderie as “a spirit of friendly good fellowship.” Google defines it as “mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together.” Most of the time, the term camaraderie is used in defining how soldiers and marines feel in their units. A bond is created with your platoon or squad as you spend 2-3 years (sometimes more) training or going to combat together.

When I was a marine for eight years, I did my best to learn who my marines were. Were they married, single, divorced? Did they have children? If so, how many? What personal issues were they having? Were mom and dad still alive? How was their health? What plans did they have for school/education? What plans did they have for when they EAS’ed (end of active service [discharged])? All of these different things allowed me to know who my marines were. How did this all happen? Understanding leadership.

True leadership, as explained by many military personnel or historians, is boiled down to a dichotomy between the person and the chain of command – balance between relationship and leadership. As Jocko and many others say, the relationship is stronger than the chain of command. However, if the relationship becomes unbalanced and too friendly, the leadership piece will fall apart. Likewise, if the leadership is too concerned about the mission, team morale fails and productivity lessens.

Why is all of this important to understand? According to Tribes by Sebastian Junger, “We have a strong instinct to belong to small groups defined by clear purpose and understanding-tribes. This tribal connection has been lost in modern society, but regaining it may be the key to our psychological survival.” I feel this is true and a huge struggle for veterans, like myself, who have lost their identity and the camaraderie lost upon separation from service. This loss of camaraderie, spirit of friendly good fellowship, or mutual trust and friendship among people who spend a lot of time together, is hard to find in the civilian world.

I had to find it. After losing myself in my own addictive behaviors and nearly having my family ripped apart for losing my own identity and self-worth, I needed to find something. It started with God working behind the scenes. Once I learned I was an addict through work, it took me two years, but I started the 12-step program. The 12-step program allowed me to rebuild my relationship with God, but also with others. I began to feel camaraderie in the rooms as we shared our stories. It grew from there as working the steps allowed me to work on my family and church. Now I have a network of people I can talk with both in the 12-step rooms and my church.

Now, as I continue to grow, I have a new “family.” My training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has allowed me to have another group of people I can share my struggles with and grow close with.

If you are feeling lost and without purpose, find a group you can join. If you are an addict, join a 12-step group and serve. If you feel lost and without purpose, find a church and serve. If you need to learn some additional life lessons or want to build on your program or walk with God, join a gym and train Jiu Jitsu. In Jiu Jitsu, you are always learning.

“It’s as real as it can get. That has made me a better person. It’s made me a better man. It’s made me understand myself, my weaknesses, my strengths, the shit I need to work on. Jiu-jitsu has been one of the most valuable tools I’ve ever had in my life.”
Joe Rogan

 

 

The Little Disciplines

As previously stated in my other posts, I follow Jocko Willink, a former Navy SEAL. He provides great insight into leadership and most importantly, taking extreme ownership of your life and your responses to life. After listening to the first four of his podcast, I have decided to write about one of the things I heard. 

I believe it was in his second podcast in which he talks about About Face by Colonel David Hackworth. Hackworth is a well known military officer who served in many different capacities and experienced war in Korea and Vietnam. Col. Hackworth was to take over a unit in Vietnam which became extremely lack in discipline. 

Upon arriving to the unit, Col. Hackworth saw people with no shaves, cots in tents, carrying ammunition *Rambo style, and even high on drugs. Weapons were rusty. He began changing things. The troops did not like the changes as they preferred the more “relaxed” standards. He implemented discipline by removing unnecessary items. If you couldn’t carry it into combat, it had to go. General military order and discipline was brought back in. Every night, he had his troops move 300 yards to the rear from their daytime positions. Everyone disliked him and his strategies. Then, they were attacked at night. While Col. Hackworth was evaluating all things on the battlefield, to include his newly implemented standards, he heard one of his troops say, “He’s a mean son of b****, but he knows what he’s talking about.” By having his troops move in 300 yards away from their daytime positions, he saved their lives because the enemy was now hitting empty positions. Col. Hackworth posited, the reason the unit became so undisciplined is because the little disciplines stopped. 

What are these little disciplines he’s talking about? As a veteran who deployed overseas, I know fully well the disciplines Col. Hackworth is speaking of. Let’s start with a few previously pointed out:

• Proper hygiene – ensuring you shave daily and maintain a proper haircut. With that being said, I do understand the difficulties with both in a deployment setting. I am talking about the purposeful intent of not doing either by choice rather than by battlefield conditions.  
• Physical fitness – there’s not many places you can go to run or lift weights in a deployment zone. However, you can maintain an appropriate level of fitness through high intensity workouts like Tabata, calisthenics, and other body movement exercises. 
• Maintenance – of weapons and ammunition. Ensuring your weapon and ammunition is clean is essential to combat readiness. If your weapons and ammo are dirty, then it will cause a weapon to jam and fail. Additionally, not inspecting your equipment can cause serious harm or weapon failures. Dented ammunition being carried around Rambo styles can cause a weapon or round to fail. Weapons not being properly inspected can cause weapons to not fire correctly, eject rounds correctly, and create numerous types of failure.
• Complacency – getting too comfortable. Having the comforts of home in a battle environment breeds complacency. Merriam-Webster defines complacency as “self-satisfaction especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies.” Having cots to sleep on (or other general comforts of home), not doing the above list of items, and being high or drunk in a combat zone can lead to death. 

There are daily routines, disciplines, we have in the military. Once we justify stopping one, it is easy to stop others. Hackworth basically said, once they started not shaving, not cutting their hair, not cleaning their weapons, those little lapses in discipline created a snowball effect to stop all proper discipline and order. 

In recovery, it is the same. 

Recovery begins by:

• Going to meetings and staying clean
• Creating a network and getting a sponsor
• Calling your sponsor
• Staying connected with your network
• Completing step work
• Incorporating step work and other spiritual principles in daily life

As my sponsor has told me plenty of times, “If a person is not going to meetings, they are most likely not completing step work.” In other words, if I am not completing the small disciplines in recovery like going to meetings and calling my sponsor, then most likely, I am not completing my step work and I am not incorporating spiritual principles into my life. He pointed out, we as addicts often in the time of need and help, instead of asking for help, we isolate from those who can help us. 

If you feel you or someone in recovery is beginning to struggle, point them back to the basic disciplines in recovery: go to meetings, and call your sponsor. Once those lifelines are reestablished, then they can start the work needed to climb back up the ladder which leads to incorporating step work and the spiritual principles provided in recovery to live clean and sober lifestyles. 

Principles Before Personalities

Over the past couple weeks, I have been allowing my higher power to work in my life regarding, ‘principles before personalities.’ I have heard this phrase throughout the past couple of years working in substance abuse and working my own recovery. It normally gets thrown out when you are clashing with another person. For some reason, a disagreement has risen and there is a bit of strife between you and another person. The cliche comes streaming out of peoples mouths, ‘principles before personalities.’

A little over a week ago, we had a co-worker attached to a different department come back to our department. In military terms, she was on temporary active duty with the other department for approximately a year. Her arrival back into our department caused a stir, to say the least. It set off a series of emotional ripples in the water. It not only affected me, but my co-workers. Surprisingly, it affected them more than it did me.

To give a quick backstory regarding this individual, she receives preferential treatment from management. She is the type of person who does not go with the flow. She is the type of person that rocks the boat and makes the water flow to her standards. Management folds under her. Management does not lead, but chooses to follow her will to appease her.

With this in mind, when she returned to our facility, she was given the unit I was working on. They put me on this specific unit because I was “consistent, will hold juveniles accountable to their actions, and had a therapeutic background.” I ‘fixed’ the unit and the unit that was once considered to be the worst in the facility quickly turned around for the positive, becoming one of the best in the facility. I am not trying to toot my own horn, but it is an attempt for people to see why my co-workers got upset when she was put back on my unit after returning. She basically ‘got her spot back’ after being away for a year and me fixing the unit.

To add a little more the back story, her character/personality is hard to deal with. She has a very ‘type A’ personality. She is very rash, abrasive, and at times can be condescending and confrontational. I never liked her personality nor her demeanor.

So, when I found out she was coming back to our department and she was becoming my new unit partner, I had to do something different than I normally do. My old me would have gotten into my feelings and I would have eventually gotten ticked off. After being ticked off and knowing I could not do anything about it, I would have just dealt with the depression that would normally follow after it. Thus, not only affecting me, but my family as well.

I decided to start and study up on this ‘principles before personalities’ philosophy that is constantly preached when people are having issues with each other. If you have not picked up yet, I did not like this phrase so much as I have heard it so many times, just as I have heard many other cliches thrown around the rooms.

For those who do not know, the ‘principles before personalities’ stems from the 12th Tradition of NA / the 12 step groups, “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities.”

Why is the 12th Tradition so important? At first glance, it provides use with this definition: “Anonymity is one of the basic elements of our recovery and it pervades our Traditions and our Fellowship. It protects us from our own defects of character and renders personalities and their differences powerless. Anonymity in action makes it
impossible for personalities to come before principles” (PDF: 12 Traditions of NA; Excepts from the Basic Text and It Works: How and Why).

I needed to break this down some more. I started to look at book called “Guiding Principles; The Spirit of Our Traditions” to get a better understanding of what exactly was being defined in the 12th Tradition and what I needed to do to apply it in my life.

The first thing I did was to define anonymity. The root word being anonymous. Anonymous means in the most simplest of definitions, to remove all forms of identification. It is unknown and lacks origin.

I am going to share the notes I made following some of the paragraphs from the book. Understand, I continually filter all things through the lens of the Bible:

Experience equality – Going back to the definition of anonymous, removing what identifies us, we can all get on the same level. By removing all labels, we become equal. Additionally, applying this through scripture, if we are all striving to be Christlike, dying to cross daily to remove our sinful heart, only the cross remains. When we display the cross, we are all equal.

Removing what try we to identify with, and allowing God to work, gives us the opportunity to see God’s grace in our lives.

Application for work: We set aside all the things that separate us and come together as “we.” Set aside the differences in opinion and remove your own beliefs about the circumstances that are present. This way, you remove yourself from the picture. Any facades there can be put aside. I do not have to like the person, as long as everything falls in place within regulation.

This explains the Christian life. We have to live and apply the principles. Just as it says in Acts, we need to be doers and not just hearers of the word.

As I read the, I was reminded of steps 1-3, learning to let it go. The closing line is extremely important with any and all relationships: we learn to listen, we open ourselves to the possibility of empathy.

“Anonymity” is the spiritual principle the Christian faith should be built on. It should be emphasized that Christian faith should be to accept each other regardless of who we are and what we have done. We allow each other to be members, to live in dignity, and to carry the Message to the best of our ability. This does not mean we are not to hold each other to Biblical standards, but it does mean that we should understand we are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. It evens the playing field and allows us to understand we all need God’s grace and mercy in our lives.

The word “foundation” is used regarding a principle, it means that this idea is at the heart of everything that follows from it. In a scriptural sense, if we make Christ the foundation, then Christ should be at the heart of everything that follows it.

Scriptural principle – remove self, insert Christ. Remove/capture thoughts of identity, ways of recognition, of perception, and find out who we are in Christ.

Removing our identity means surrender to being part of something greater than ourselves: allowing for God’s grace to work through us.

By learning and applying these principles, I have been able to work with my coworker even though we have completely different views on how things should be ran. I can deal with her personality without being caught up on my own emotions, perceptions, or expectations. Even after she displayed her heart and how she felt about me (it was not good), I was able to speak to her and overcome the situation rationally. We were able to talk it out and resolve the conflict that had occurred. The old me, the addict me, the one not working a program or having a relationship with my higher power, would have allowed a resentment to build and may have allowed it to blow up on her.

All in all, the greatest lesson in this, can be boiled down to this lesson: less of me, more of Christ. It should be the aim of all Christians or anyone in recovery working with a higher power to reduce themselves and allow God to shine through.

Stay Calm… Be Patient

Over the past few months, I have been struggling with this idea of staying calm and being patient. I began to notice this struggle when I started training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). I started training in mix martial arts as a means of losing weight and getting back into shape. It has definitely increase my confidence as I work in juvenile detention and I have faced some hairy situations (I believe in a previous post I mentioned a riot we had).

As I began my training, the coach would tell me in training, “Calm down. Breathe. Relax.” The reason he was telling me this is because when I started BJJ, the flight or fight center of my brain was in full survival mode. I even responded to him one time saying, “I can’t help it. It’s eight years of the Marine Corps in my brain.” In the Corps, you are trained to get out of the conflict as soon as possible and get a weapon of opportunity to end it. The intent was for the other person to be killed.

BJJ is a sport. It is not a matter of life and death. While it may be a sport, it does have actual, real life, self defense techniques. The Marine Corps Martial Arts Program (MCMAP) utilizes aspects of BJJ, judo, karate, and other forms. So, when I started rolling with other people, the Marine Corps side of the brain was showing… and showing frequently. It’s was the mentality of do not get submitted and fight, fight, fight.

I wanted to get better at BJJ and I wanted to learn as much as I could. I started reaching out to the blue and purple belts I was rolling with and they started to explain to me what it meant to stay calm. Here are the lessons I have started to learn:

1. Stay calm: control your breathing. Feel what’s going on. Feel how people are moving. Use strength and power when you need to in bursts. Do not wear yourself out. If you do, you have the potential to mess up and get submitted. Forcing a position or a submission can turn against you.
2. You have to give a little sometimes. BJJ is about using your opponents strengths against them. Sometimes, you have to give a little to get something bigger. I remember trying to force a purple belt into an American submission. All of a sudden, I am being rolled over and he is putting me into a side mount. All I could do was sit there and think, “Whiskey tango foxtrot happened just now. How did he do that?” Well, he stayed calm and gave me just a little room for his counter. I’ve learned to do the same. Allow a person to get me into a position. When the time is right, after giving them a little room to move around, I counter.
3. Points two and three lead to the final point – be patient. After staying calm and giving a little, be patient. The right move will come. Every time you train, it’s a learning experience. Stay calm, give a little, and be patient enough to make the next right move. I combined all of this and I was able to submit a purple belt. While he was focused on trying to get me into spider guard, my legs were free and I was able to put both my legs around his neck and to perform a scissor choke.

All of this is applicable to our every day lives. I never believed for a moment while doing martial arts, especially BJJ, it could teach me such spiritual principles in my recovery. I never wanted to do BJJ. Fighting on the ground was my weakest point. I can fight standing up. I am used to being a striker (punches, kicks, elbows, etc). I used to say all the time in the Corps when it came to ground fighting, “I’ll fight you standing up, but this wrestling stuff is bull sh**.” However, I strained my left calve while doing Muay Thai. I did not want to stop training as I found marital arts an integral part of my recovery and health. I decided to try out BJJ and found out I have a naturally solid base. This “naturalness,” and my ability to learn quickly, has allowed me to progress further and quicker than my instructors had intended or expected. I turned a weakness into something powerful.

In life, I can either chose:

1. to be like the Old Testament patriarchs and try to force God’s hand. Abraham (Abram) did not wait to have a child by his wife as God promised and had a child by his servant. In the end, Ishmael and his descendants would have strife with his brother/family. Addicts have a tendency to not wait and try to push their will over God’s. This can in turn cause problems and possible relapse.
2. to give a little to get something back much bigger. I can choose to forgive and move on or I can build a garden of resentments. Learning how to forgive and build bridges takes work, but in the end, it is better than “me drinking poison and waiting for other people to die” (the description I hear often of resentments).
3. to stay patient. The hardest lesson for me to learn and deal with on a daily basis is to sit back and let God take care of everything. It is hard to be joyful in a work environment with juvenile teens who do not want your help. It is hard to wait on God’s timing for what the next right move I have. However, I know if I do not stay calm, give a little, or be patient, God’s will over time will not occur.

Lastly, I can either chose to bail out of my problems and fear my weaknesses like grappling/BJJ, or I can chose to take it head on and turn my weaknesses into strengths. For the time being, while I struggle to stay calm, give a little, and be patient… I will continue to struggle and go in all aspects of my spiritual life.

 

The Redemption of MS-13 — Longreads

Danny Gold investigates the movement converting El Salvador’s gang members into born-again Christians.

An interesting read. Working as a juvenile detention specialist, I have worked with members of MS-13, 18th St., and Blood. One MS-13 kid I interacted with was telling me exactly what this article wrote about- leaving MS-13 to follow Christ. Also knowing, if he did not follow Christ, it may be a death sentence. It is truly amazing the power of the cross. God can change all aspects of our lives, whether it  is addiction to drugs or the distorted origins of our lives.

via The Redemption of MS-13 — Longreads

3 Mile Musings: “I’ll start tomorrow,” is the mind’s worst enemy. Tomorrow allows for another day to pass without taking action and repeat the phrase, “I’ll start tomorrow.” Tomorrow is never promised. Yesterday has already passed. Live “Just for today.” Today is the present, allowing for action to occur. Action cannot happen tomorrow as it is not the present, and action cannot happen yesterday as it has already passed.

Cross Addiction

Cross addiction is currently becoming the bane of my existence. Cross addiction is defined by these two attributes: 1. Being addicted to more than once substance at the same time, or 2. While in recovery, becoming addicted to another substance or behavioral addiction.

Here are some examples:

1. A person addicted to heroin becomes cross addicted to cocaine. This is due to the cycle of a downer (depressant) with an upper (amphetamine). I like the high heroine gives me, but I need to be functional so I take cocaine to make it through the day.
2. I am no longer using alcohol and started a program of recovery. Even though I am in recovery, I start “13th stepping*.” I start having sexual relations as much as I can and it starts to get out of control. I am now cross addicted with a behavioral addiction, sex.
   * 13 Stepping: A 13th step is not part of the 12 step program. “13th stepping” is a colloquial term for a person in recovery starting to prey on newcomers in the meetings.

Cross addiction, like any other addiction I have addressed in here, is just the heart’s desire to continue to seek something other than the creator. John Calvin stated, “the human mind is, so to speak, a perpetual forge of idols.” In other words, our hearts are constantly creating idols. The reason for this is due the fact our hearts are always trying to have proof God exist. Calvin continues, “daily experience shows, that the flesh is always restless until it has obtained some figment like itself, with which it may vainly solace itself as a representation of God. In consequence of this blind passion men have, almost in all ages since the world began, set up signs on which they imagined that God was visibly depicted to their eyes.” Calvin made this statement about the Israelites, “they knew, indeed, that there was a God whose mighty power they had experienced in so many miracles, but they had no confidence of his being near to them, if they did not with their eyes behold a corporeal symbol of his presence, as an attestation to his actual government. They desired, therefore, to be assured by the image which went before them, that they were journeying under Divine guidance.” In other words, our hearts are always looking for a visible God in our lives. Something we can see. Something that is tangible.

I have been asked over and over again by my sponsor, “If it feels like God has moved, who has moved?” The answer is simple. I have moved. I have either stopped praying like I should, stopped practicing spiritual principles, stopped step work, stopped reaching out, stopped reading the Bible, or stopped attending meetings. All in all, I have stopped the work I have needed to stay connected with my higher power. As previously written, I can find my higher power when I connect with people because he works through people, through spiritual work, but more importantly, he speaks through the Word of God. When this happens, I find myself seeking the created more than the creator.

In my own life and experience, I see cross addiction mainly in two areas: eating and playing games. When I say playing games, I am not talking only about electronic games, but any game. My most recent experience at work has shown me, if I engage in Connect Four, Ping Pong, Checkers, I can be completely distracted as the dopamine in my brain kicks off. If I win, I keep playing because I like the way it makes me feel. Like most gamblers, if I lose, I do not interpret it as a loss, but as “I almost won.” The brain’s interpretation of “I almost won” is the reason by gamblers become addicted. I keep playing not matter the outcome. It affects my work and it affects the relationship I have with my coworker as I continue to play and not do the tasks required of me. Eating hits the same dopamine receptors in the brain as chemical dependencies do. Sugars and highly processed foods can flood the brain with dopamine like cocaine and other chemical addictions do. If I am spiritually off, I can eat so much food, I feel sick. I will keep eating even though I know I am full and it goes completely against my diet. These are reasons why Gamblers Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous exist.

The only way to prevent this is to follow the example provided in Colossians 3:5, “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” We need to understand “out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander (Matthew 15:19).” If we can keep this in our fore thoughts, then we have a chance at overcoming all addiction/idolatry.

My sponsor currently has me working on this to help me break the insanity of the idol factory:

1. Step up my meetings. Find a way to stay connected spiritually.
2. Continue to work the steps and spiritual principles.
3. Most importantly, pray. My prayer life should not be about me asking God for things. My prayer life should be asking God to assist me in conforming my will to His. It is part of Step 3, “making a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” I should be asking how I can serve him and how I can serve those I work with.

Once I turn my will and life over to God, I know he has my back. I need to have the faith in that and stop allowing my heart to seek something different. God has our backs. When we look at the over arching theme of the Bible, we can see that. He had the Israelite’s back no matter how many times they turned from. He kept his covenants with them. Even when outsiders (other nations/gentiles) chose to follow God, as long as they followed the Israelite laws and circumcision, they were brought under God’s covenant. Once it came to the New Testament, God fulfilled the law and the covenants with Christ. Now, the covenant extended past the Israelites, to all peoples and all nations who believed in Christ and accepted him as lord and savior.

In other words, we no longer have to follow the flesh. “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires,” and since “I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me (Galatians 5:24, 2:20).”