Over the past few months, I have been struggling with this idea of staying calm and being patient. I began to notice this struggle when I started training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ). I started training in mix martial arts as a means of losing weight and getting back into shape. It has definitely increase my confidence as I work in juvenile detention and I have faced some hairy situations (I believe in a previous post I mentioned a riot we had).
As I began my training, the coach would tell me in training, “Calm down. Breathe. Relax.” The reason he was telling me this is because when I started BJJ, the flight or fight center of my brain was in full survival mode. I even responded to him one time saying, “I can’t help it. It’s eight years of the Marine Corps in my brain.” In the Corps, you are trained to get out of the conflict as soon as possible and get a weapon of opportunity to end it. The intent was for the other person to be killed.
BJJ is a sport. It is not a matter of life and death. While it may be a sport, it does have actual, real life, self defense techniques. The Marine Corps Martial Arts Program (MCMAP) utilizes aspects of BJJ, judo, karate, and other forms. So, when I started rolling with other people, the Marine Corps side of the brain was showing… and showing frequently. It’s was the mentality of do not get submitted and fight, fight, fight.
I wanted to get better at BJJ and I wanted to learn as much as I could. I started reaching out to the blue and purple belts I was rolling with and they started to explain to me what it meant to stay calm. Here are the lessons I have started to learn:
- Stay calm: control your breathing. Feel what’s going on. Feel how people are moving. Use strength and power when you need to in bursts. Do not wear yourself out. If you do, you have the potential to mess up and get submitted. Forcing a position or a submission can turn against you.
- You have to give a little sometimes. BJJ is about using your opponents strengths against them. Sometimes, you have to give a little to get something bigger. I remember trying to force a purple belt into an American submission. All of a sudden, I am being rolled over and he is putting me into a side mount. All I could do was sit there and think, “Whiskey tango foxtrot happened just now. How did he do that?” Well, he stayed calm and gave me just a little room for his counter. I’ve learned to do the same. Allow a person to get me into a position. When the time is right, after giving them a little room to move around, I counter.
- Points two and three lead to the final point – be patient. After staying calm and giving a little, be patient. The right move will come. Every time you train, it’s a learning experience. Stay calm, give a little, and be patient enough to make the next right move. I combined all of this and I was able to submit a purple belt. While he was focused on trying to get me into spider guard, my legs were free and I was able to put both my legs around his neck and to perform a scissor choke.
All of this is applicable to our every day lives. I never believed for a moment while doing martial arts, especially BJJ, it could teach me such spiritual principles in my recovery. I never wanted to do BJJ. Fighting on the ground was my weakest point. I can fight standing up. I am used to being a striker (punches, kicks, elbows, etc). I used to say all the time in the Corps when it came to ground fighting, “I’ll fight you standing up, but this wrestling stuff is bull sh**.” However, I strained my left calve while doing Muay Thai. I did not want to stop training as I found marital arts an integral part of my recovery and health. I decided to try out BJJ and found out I have a naturally solid base. This “naturalness,” and my ability to learn quickly, has allowed me to progress further and quicker than my instructors had intended or expected. I turned a weakness into something powerful.
In life, I can either chose:
- to be like the Old Testament patriarchs and try to force God’s hand. Abraham (Abram) did not wait to have a child by his wife as God promised and had a child by his servant. In the end, Ishmael and his descendants would have strife with his brother/family. Addicts have a tendency to not wait and try to push their will over God’s. This can in turn cause problems and possible relapse.
- to give a little to get something back much bigger. I can choose to forgive and move on or I can build a garden of resentments. Learning how to forgive and build bridges takes work, but in the end, it is better than “me drinking poison and waiting for other people to die” (the description I hear often of resentments).
- to stay patient. The hardest lesson for me to learn and deal with on a daily basis is to sit back and let God take care of everything. It is hard to be joyful in a work environment with juvenile teens who do not want your help. It is hard to wait on God’s timing for what the next right move I have. However, I know if I do not stay calm, give a little, or be patient, God’s will over time will not occur.
Lastly, I can either chose to bail out of my problems and fear my weaknesses like grappling/BJJ, or I can chose to take it head on and turn my weaknesses into strengths. For the time being, while I struggle to stay calm, give a little, and be patient… I will continue to struggle and go in all aspects of my spiritual life.
The Messenger's Alley 